MOM

I fought with my mom nonstop. Our conversations consisted on yelling, yelling, some screaming, a lot of crying.

This is kind of what they looked like:

Me "You have been depressed for years, you can't blame 25 years of unhappy marriage on dad alone, dad is trying so give him a break."

Mom "You don't know what I have been through, you are selfish, spoiled, self righteous, you have authority issues that will haunt you for the rest of your life, you take the easy way out, and you have anger management issues" 

Me "Where do you think I learned to deal with my anger from,? Children mimic what their parents teach them."

Okay so that script was boiled down, but we argued back and forth about those things for several days, and we are still arguing. 

I am so sick of my mom right now and how manipulative she can be, she is kind of nuts and I don't want to be pulled into her dramatic bullshit. 

I told her she has been playing the victim card for too long and that she needs to snap out of it. I don't think she took that lightly. FuCKINGF  SICK OF IT

It is weird to t˙ink t˙at tomorrow I will be in my ˙omeland. T˙e state w˙ere I spent 22 years. T˙e ˙ouse w˙ere I lived for 18. A s˙ort plane ride and all of a sudden you are in t˙e past, and everyt˙ing you do and everyw˙ere you go lies nostalga.

I talked to Wing last nig˙t on t˙e p˙one for a long long time. I am excited to see ˙er tomorrow nig˙t.

I ˙åve been depressed. Going ˙øme will refres˙ me ˙opefully. Last nig˙t Wing was talking about ˙øw s˙e wants me to move back. I ˙åve been t˙inking about it; t˙ere are a lot of t˙ings t˙at I miss. If I left I imagine t˙ere would be a lot of t˙ings t˙at I would miss about t˙e Bay Area as well.

Somet˙ing kind of bizaree ˙appened to me today. I t˙øug˙t I really want my official transcipts because I ordered t˙em a week or two ago and I need t˙em to apply for Sout˙ Korea, so I kept t˙inking to myself: t˙ey are going to come today, t˙ey are going to come in t˙e mail today, and as I ˙ad wis˙ed- t˙ey did. So now I guess I ˙åve most of t˙e basic stuff t˙åt I need to get a Visa... I emailed my recruiter, I mig˙t need a few more t˙ings, I dunno.

Yoga today was ˙ard, because I ˙adn't gone in a few days.

Depression is weird, not˙ing really excites me anymore. I feel immune. W˙en people talk I can't really concentrate on w˙at t˙ey are saying.

I wish I lived in a tree house

At &T is annoying. I do not trust them. I put my $50 rebate in the mail a couple of weeks ago (from when I got my new phone), and I got a letter back saying it was denied because "There was no service activated."- I was like "wwwhhhhhhaaaaaattttt." Anyways, I called them and waited on hold, then the call dropped, then I called back and they looked it up and they were like "oh yeah, our mistake." HHHmmm.... suspicious I tell you. I bet they deny rebates for silly things and then if you call them they say it was a mistake, expecting that you won't actually call back. Rebates are scams.

Anyways, today I woke up and got ready for my interview at 1:30. I left the house at 12:30, expecting that I would have plenty of time to get to 43rd and Judah. I walked down to Powell where I waited for the N for like 25 minutes. I think about 4 M's, 4 L's, 4 J's, and 4 K's passed by while I waited. Finally the N came. At 1:30 I was only at 12th and Judah; I was supposed to be at 43rd at 1:30. I got off the N and didn't end up going to the interview because there is no point in going to an interview 20 minutes late and because I had forgotten to bring their phone number with me to call in case I was going to be late. I really didn't think there was going to be a problem. UUUUUGGGHHHH...... I waited in the Sunset in the cold for another 30 minutes before the N came back the other way. I almost started crying, I had a little pity party for myself. After 20 minutes of beating myself up in my head, I decided it was pointless. The moment had passed. I can't dwell on things that happened in the past, obviously there is no point, you can't change it.

THINK POSITIVE THINK POSITIVE THINK POSITIVE---------------------- I'm going to South Korea!!!! I really want to. If I think about it positively enough, if I imagine myself there, it will happen.


Today I put my Peace Corps application in the mail. Good Luck medical information, away you go....

6 days till I leave for Seattle :)

PASTA AAAAHHHHH

Today I slept in late. I woke up this morning and there was a voicemail on my phone about a job interview. I called back Mr. Edwards. I will be seeing him Wednesday regarding his available classroom counselor position. The position is at a high school where they send delinquent kids; juvenile offenders I believe.


This morning I made this amazing pasta. I kind of altered the recipe, this is what I did:

Make the pistachio sauce by grinding up 1 cup of pistachio's, 2 cloves of garlic, salt and lots of olive oil in a blender

cook 8 oz of whole wheat pasta in salted water

mix the two together along with the seeds from one pomegranate.

Yummy!


I had a enjoyable weekend. Friday night I went out for drinks with Miros and some other x-coworkers.

Saturday Allan and Frisco picked me up and we went to his little brothers football game. After the game we came back into the city for Vietnamese food in the mission. Then we crossed the street to Cassanova for happy hour. While we were at Cassanova Zack called and left a voicemail saying he was out with Oshaunessy, and wanted to know if I could meet up with them later that night. Allan wanted to go home to study so he dropped Frisco and I off at my house. Frisco and I went to North Beach where we bar hopped. Then Oshaunessy and Zack came and met up with us and we all danced at this random Tiki bar in North Beach. At one point Zack and Oshaunessy hoisted me onto the bar so that I could dance on it. I was really drunk and demanded a minute later that they get me down from the bar.

I have been thinking more and more about South Korea. Allan and Frisco were telling me that there is a boat that goes from South Korea to Japan that only takes about 2 hours. I didn't realize the two countries were so close. Last week, I ran around to get my criminal background check notarized as one of the steps to apply for my visa.

I will be leaving for Seattle in 8 days! I am excited to go home for a week!!!!!!!

South Korea

Yesterday I went to the dentist. The dental hygienist was talking about piercings because my old septum piercing showed up in my x-ray. She told me that she got her bellybutton pierced because her husband really wanted it, and told her that he would buy her a diamond if she pierced it. She never got her diamond. All I could think was I would never ever ever do something to my body for a man that I did not want to do - diamond or no diamond that's fucking dumb. Even if you are married it is still like a form of prostitution. Okay I am being a bit extreme, but receiving goods in exchange for something you don't want to do yourself, and is related to sex-- one could argue the point...

I talked to a recruiter last night on the phone to teach English in South Korea. I would leave in February and start teaching in March. I guess the program pays for your housing, plane ticket, and on top of that $2,000 a month for living expenses. She said that the majority of teachers who go are able to save like $1000 a month while they are there. She was really enthusiastic and said that it was the best experience of her life. She said that in South Korea there is a large Western community. Teachers are able to make friends and have a sense of community while they are there. So yeah if I get some shit together, I might go to South Korea in February to teach English for a year. Lots to think about right now. I am still working on my Peace Corp application, and thinking about graduate school at Mills.

Last night I had really vivid dreams about being successful. I woke up foggy, and jobless.

I am going hiking today with Danny. :) On Sunday I went hiking with Dan. Two different hikes in one week with two different Dan's. YEAH HIKING!!!!

:) I get FREE YOGA THAT"S RIGHT BITCHES

Sometimes I feel like a complete life fuck up, but then I think to myself that life is more exciting and interesting when you fuck up sometimes. -That's the only way to learn.. right?

I am a strong person, I believe things and I say them out loud. I guess I am still harboring some anger. I was way too honest, but in retrospect that agency and the way it was run was fucked up and I suffered from burn out.

When I am 102 I will tell 6 year old children that I got fired during the greatest economic "recession" in American history since the great depression and I will laugh at how ridiculously long ago it was and how much I did not fuck up my life since then.

Today was a good day. I got offered a part time position that I really don't want to do and am debating taking, but don't think that I will. I called my parents and they were awesome and understanding and said "don't do it if you don't want to."

I bought groceries. I applied to a few jobs.

I went to Yoga and !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!---------------------I talked to Steve (because my 1 month trial is up in 5 days), and he said that there was one position left for the work/study and guess what beautiful people---------------I got it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOT WOOT WOOT

That means that in exchange for 4hours a week (on Wednesday evenings), I will be receiving unlimited yoga for free! Free!!! Fucking FREEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! :) This really made my day, because without their workstudy thing, I would have had to stop doing this strange sweaty activity that is making me a better, more balanced individual. Unlimited yoga there is is like over $100 a month. So I am beyond stocked... and......

I was on the phone with the fam and jokingly said "Now that I am unemployed maybe I could stay longer around Thanksgiving (b/c I have been missing home)." - and I thought they would say "no you should be looking for jobs," but instead they were like "yeah you should look into changing your flight, we would love to see you (b/c they love me). So I called United after I got off the phone and they aren't even charging me to change flights, but reimbursing me $26 because I moved my flight to days further around Thanksgiving. So Yeah!!! I am going home for a week around Thanksgiving which is awesome. I will be in Seattle the 18th - 26th, which means I will eat, and drink, and go to our cabin in the woods, and see Kwasi, and Wing and Woody, and Woody's puppy, and my puppies, and the best thing since fried plantains Ms. Meghan Bright.

OBAMA LOVE

Awww... relief that Meghan and I won't be plotting our escape to Canada.

Last night watching the emotional news I almost cried. All I could think about was how it must feel to be an African American watching Obama's victory speech. They showed a clip of Oprah in the crowd teary eyed. It was all so emotional and exciting.

PROP 8 passed which fucking sucks. I say take away marriage rights for everyone!!!! No marriage at all.

I guess Prop 4 did not pass!!! YEAH!!! Teen rights to get abortions

And PROP 2 Passed YEAH!!!!!!!!! Room for farm animals!!!!!!



I don't know about all the other ones, I need to look them up.